It's Christmas!!!

Well, Christmas Eve anyway, I'm home by myself, I have to finish a blanket and straighten up while my darling husband has my son at work with him. They will be home around 1, the office closes at noon, then 1/2 hour train ride and 1/2 hour from the station, keep in mind it would only take him 1/2 hour to drive to work, but parking costs in Center City Philadelphia are exorbitant.

Anyway, Christmas is my favorite holiday, not for the gift giving, though the look on my son's face when he sees the presents under the tree makes my heart swell. I love Christmas because it signifies the birth of Jesus, the most amazing gift any child of God could be given and because it's about family. This year we will be dining at my sister's new place in Ocean City, NJ. It's a little small and we won't all be able to sit at the dining room table together, but that doesn't matter, we will all be there, all 10 of us.

When we were younger, we alternated Christmas dinners, we would host one year and my Mom's brother and his family would host the next. Christmas in my family has always been about family, we would get together, the kids would show each other their gifts and we'd play, we'd eat and then sit around and talk (when we were younger, we'd run off and play).

I think that lately we've gotten away from the holidays being about family and it's become more about the gifts, my older sister (I'm the middle of 3 girls) suggested that we stop giving gifts to each other for everything and just get together instead. We're going to discuss that tomorrow and see where it takes us.

I think we should all stop this holiday season and remember what it is we are celebrating, the birth of the Christ child. And to enjoy the blessing of our families whether they be small or large, related by blood or choice, your family is something that can't be replaced. Enjoy the time.

OK, so this started out as just a note about it becoming Christmas, but since I've had an emotional couple of years losing people in my family to old age and cancer, I've become a little more focused on the importance of family. So sorry for the tangent but these are my stream of conscious thoughts.

Have a very Merry Christmas!!!

Halloween Fun

Halloween is my husband's favorite holiday. We had a lot of fun this year. Both of my men were pirates. This is the little guy in his pirate costume, which I made, at the mall yesterday trick or treating. We went when it started at 4 with friends and I'm so glad we went early. We did the entire top floor and 1/2 of the bottom floor and left, it was really crowded by the time we left at 5:00. We did have fun and the boys all had a great time running in to get their treats. My son is 2 years older than my friend's oldest son so he was a little more into this.

Today, his school had a Halloween performance and parade. This is my son and his friends from school. They were all so cute singing their songs and they had a party after the parents left.

Here are my men getting ready to go out trick-or-treating. It was so much fun this year because our son finally realizes what Halloween is and what happens, he started talking about trick-or-treating last week when we went to the Aquarium for trick-or-treating and hasn't stopped. He will probably wake up tomorrow asking when he can go again (he doesn't understand that holidays only come once per year yet).

Aren't these guys handsome?

I hope you all had a great Halloween.

I love my life and I hate my life

I love my life, I'm a SAHM to a very curious and very active 4 year old, he keeps me on my toes both physically and mentally b/c he's smart as a whip (I never understood that saying). I have a wonderful husband who doesn't want me to go back to work, at least until our son is in school all day, and does so much for me. I have a wonderfully close and insane family, we are truly out there some times but we are really close, and I don't just mean me and my sisters and our parents, we have 15 cousins on my Dad's side and we do keep in touch, my Mom's side would seem smaller because in addition to me and my sisters, we have 2 cousins, but we also are close with my Mom's cousins and their children, I think we're talking close to 20 on that side, but I'm not sure, it could be more if I actually counted and yes we are crazy. I don't mean really insane, just we like having fun, we talk a lot, not as much as we should though, and well, we're related so that just means a lot of inside jokes and the same stories over and over again.

I hate my life: I have a cousin who is battling for her life right now in the hospital, she lost her husband to colon cancer after a very short battle (he was diagnosed just before Thanksgiving 2007) on February 11, 2008 (I remember the date b/c it was my father's birthday), her Mom died the end of last April at the age of 90. She has 8 kids, 7 girls and 1 boy and she's touched many lives in this area. I hate that she's suffering, I hate what her kids are going through, I hate that though she's 62 and a maternity nurse/lactation consultant she's never, NEVER had a mammogram. She found the lump close to a year before she did anything about it.

And most of all I hate myself for being angry with her for not taking care of herself. I feel so selfish thinking of this, I don't want anything to happen to her, I don't want to have to miss her too, I hate cancer and I hate the fear that surrounds it so that people avoid the very tests that could save their lives.

I love my life, my other cousin who found a lump in her breast was told today that it is NOT cancer!!!

All that being said, I'm calling Monday to schedule my Mammogram. I'll be 40 in a couple of weeks and I had a baseline at 36 which had me running around to doctors for close to a year b/c I have dense breasts, but, well I would rather get my breasts squished between 2 pieces of plexiglass than not know. Knowledge is power. If there is anything there I can handle it because I know what I'm facing. Playing ostrich doesn't stop anything and usually only makes things worse.

Genetics and my cousin's decision

Well, my cousin who found the lump went to her surgeon on Tuesday and was told that she needed to get an MRI done. The doctor doesn't seem to think that it's cancer, which is good, but given that her mother had the BRCA gene mutation, my cousin will be tested and is probably going to get a preventative double mastectomy with reconstruction done. Additionally since the BRCA gene mutation also increases your chances of getting ovarian cancer, and she's done having kids, they recommend she get a hysterectomy, at 37!! She's going to complete all her testing and make all her decisions shortly b/c she wants it done so that she's all healed by the beginning of next summer.

My cousin who is in the hospital has had no change, though she's been intubated for almost 2 weeks, and there is a 2 week limit on that being done with a tube down her throat b/c of potential vocal cord damage. So, if she's not off the ventilator (and it doesn't look good), she will be getting a tracheostomy put in so that she will be able to talk when she recovers (I believe that God's will is being done here).

Thank you anyone and everyone who has happened upon this blog and is praying for these two beautiful and strong women.

Family Illnesses

OK, well I've told you all about Len and I having colds, that's the least of what I've been dealing with lately.

My cousin is currently in the hospital battling for her life. She has breast cancer, it's metastisized to her chest wall, the base of her spine and her liver. So, they decided her treatment would start with chemo to get the metastisized cancers shrunk and then they'd go in and remove what they could, do a mastectomy and then do radiation and chemo to get rid of whatever they needed to. Well, they got the first chemo treatment done and before she could get back in for her second treatment (it should have been last Friday), she got admitted to the hospital again because of a build up of fluid in her lungs. So, last Thursday she got admitted, put into ICU so that they could monitor her, by Saturday morning, she's been intubated and she has an infection in her blood. I can't go to see her or her children, she has 8 aged 17-36 because of this cold - I can't risk passing any germs to anyone and have her get sicker. My Mom has told me that she's doing a little better, she was off the ventilator for about 2 hours today, but she got agitated so they sedated her and put the forced oxygen back on. She's responding to the nurses when they talk to her. Well, we are just waiting to see how things pan out from here. She has to get over this infection. They've started her on dialysis, her kidneys are having to work too hard to get rid of the fluid to let her body fight the infection. The hardest thing for this family is that they just lost their father, my cousin's husband, in February to Colon Cancer. They are doing a Colon Cancer walk tomorrow.

Then, I find out from another cousin earlier this week that she found a lump in her breast. She lost her mother to breast cancer in 1997 when she was pregnant with her second child. She's going to see the surgeon for a consult for a biopsy on Tuesday so we'll know what we're facing then. She's not worrying too much at this point, but her father is very concerned. And she has 4 boys between the ages of 4 and 13 at home and her husband travels a lot. She's also out in Indiana where we can't really help her a whole lot. I'm going to make her a prayer shawl so that I can do something, anything to help.

I hate feeling helpless and for the past 2 years as my family has been dealing with illnesses and death (we lost a cousin last March to lung cancer, an aunt in April to old age, then a cousin this February to colon cancer), that's all I've been feeling. Though I know they are in Heaven with Jesus Christ and our family, it doesn't really make it easier.

We did get some good news, though this was from my father's side, the rest is from my mother's side. One of my cousins just had a new little boy the beginning of this month, her 4th child, 2nd son.

I could really use some more happy news from anyone, especially some from my mother's side of the family.

So, if anyone actually reads my blog, please keep my cousin, her children and her doctors in your prayers.